Hoetations, Blow Jobs, and The Pursuit of Open Relationships: Insecure’s Hella Blows Is What Happens When Life Doesn't Go As Planned

Insecure, HBO

Insecure, HBO

Things Get Hella Messy

So I watched this week’s episode of Insecure, and I’m still trying to figure out what’s got y’all so bent. This episode was all about Molly getting in too deep with her relationship with Dro, and Issa finding out she wasn’t cut out for hoe life. What I loved about this episode was that it did the opposite of what I thought it would do, killing my expectations, and I’m starting think that that was the intention.  

Molly, #WeekendBae?

Throughout the series, Molly has been one of my favorite characters to watch develop. From the issues she faces at her job, to her topsy turvy sex life, Molly should be the epitome of independence and sexual liberation, but she’s just…like you and me. Molly let some good men walk out of her life, and she’s let some fuckboys walk in, but what is so complex is her relationship with Dro, and how the show enables viewers to see things in a kaleidoscope of perspectives. Never would I have thought that I would be down for Molly and Dro’s relationship, Dro being in an open marriage (allegedly). I’m not even mad at #WeekendBae. But could I be a #WeekendBae? Probably not, but with my closest guy friend…I can’t call it. What I appreciate about this episode is that it shows a character second guess themself with each turn of events, and that’s how we make moves in life. Sometimes you follow the rules you’ve set for yourself, and sometimes you follow your heart, or just live in the moment. Molly is experiencing a conundrum of emotions, and her friends don’t even know the half of it.

To Blow, Or Not To Blow. That’s The Question.

Sexplosion seems like the perfect place to bring a group of sexually liberated women together to talk sex positivity, flavored condoms, and blow jobs. As Issa, Molly, Tiffany, and Kelly make their way around the event, we get an age old conversation about blow jobs. As I watched the scene, I thought nothing of it, until I read a few reactions from other viewers discussing the bleakness of the interaction. Many thought that it was outdated to treat blow jobs like an uncharted part of sex for black women, and I totally agree with that perspective. I found it a bit odd that Molly and Issa felt like only white women enjoyed giving blow jobs, but as a viewer, I felt like either they just wanted to get on Tiffany’s nerves, felt insecure about how on point their head game was, or they personally would rather receive than give, which are all valid reasons when considering the complexities of us as regular people. However, as a twenty something virgin, these are the parts of the show that I can connect to, because I have these open ended conversations with my group of friends all the time, and either they shock me with their experiences, or put me on to some part of sexual expression that I couldn’t of thought of on my own. Issa combined tips she learned from the blow job class, and Tiffany’s security in her sexuality, and put it in practice, with a surprising twist.

Issa Fucks Up The Hoetation

 ‘Hella Blows’ showcases the pitfalls we all face, whether at work, or in our personal lives, and dealing with things falling short of our expectations. But nothing curved my expectations for this episode more than Issa’s reaction to the successful completion of her self-initiated blow job. Issa brings oral sex into her and Daniel’s relationship, but she fails to set the boundaries, or basic ground rules for how it should ideally play out. Prior to this juicy moment in the episode, Issa has lost all control of her hoetation roster, and in these final moments with Daniel, the only person her character should have been with in the first place, she treats him like a fuckboy with bad spending habits. I personally watched the scene multiple times, just so I could roll on the floor laughing at her reaction.

What was interesting for me was that I identified more with Daniel emotionally than I did with Issa, and that has everything to do with the insecurity of being vulnerable. In this scene, Daniel has given Issa all control of his body, and after warning her that he was at his climax, he did what I imagine people do in these situations… release and feel fabulous!  But that high was short lived since Issa missed every episode of Blues Clues and stopped just in time to get cum in her face, and I laughed. Hard. But Issa had a right to be a little upset, but sis was livid, leaving Daniel feeling guilty about something he didn’t maliciously do to her, and this is where I side with Daniel. Even I know that either you’re going to stop short, or take it all in, but that part may not have been for me, or viewers just as confused with Issa’s reaction. It could have been for someone else who has, or would have reacted similarly, and I’m okay with the juxtaposition.

Where Do We Go From Here?

As the season comes to an end, the cast of characters on Insecure have a long way to go before they can meet their own expectations, and find a healthy balance between peace within themselves, their careers, and their relationships. The beauty of Insecure is that the show pushes to provide a complex discourse on modern day black experiences:  each character thinks they have it all figured out, until they don’t, and have to take UberPool with a gas station napkin on their eye.